It is my fourth day at home. I wake up, see the sun and decide I must go have coffee outside and write about something. Something which is not a research paper, a political analysis or a legal complaint. Happy Easter.
I have had a job for the past few months. One I wanted and one I like. A job which allows me to be me professionally, even in the Berlin jungle of employment. For now, it provides me with a feeling of fulfilment and purpose. I enjoy the thrill, because I know it will fade away.
Apart from not spending idle days with my partner, driving aimlessly through parks and cafe hopping, one of the main downsides of my job is that it leaves me with no mental space to think about humans outside of work. I do it all day long; I’m done once I’m home.
Yet it is what I wanted, with the international touch I need and overall left-wing politics I agree on. I am much more engaged. So I stopped writing, because anything I touched suddenly turned into a manifesto. Hopefully not today.
So I am back in the game, more engaged, but with far less perspective. Time does not pause anymore, even when I do nothing. I seem to never reach the side line where one can simply stand and observe. When I try to think, I feel confused, reach quick conclusions and leave it there.
I feared I had betrayed my work-unleashed self, though I knew unemployment could not go on forever. So I went back to testimonies of that self and realised: I do work 8 hours, including minutes when work interferes with home pleasures through the evils of mobile devices. And I deduct overtime, as my contract allows. The Alienation Process is therefore not complete, and I may just have found the perfect employer. I enjoy this thought, because I know it will fade away...
Happy Easter. My working self has long resurrected. Let the contemplating one rise again.